*ROCK OF LOVE: BUS* RANKINGS// Episode 2

Week two doesn't disappoint in the wedding episode. The challenge for the girls is to write vows and give a wedding gift.  There was some full fledged break-downs and some good rivalries started.

//Challenge Winners//

- Brittanya - Taya - Farrah >> Taya, for calling out the classlessness of the other contestants, has no problem promoting her work in Penthouse. Shameless self-promotion, or a way to victory? [caption id="attachment_188" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Taya"] [/caption] Farrah's vows sounded like something you could submit to the letters section of the aforementioned publication. [caption id="attachment_189" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Farrah (Note: Not from Jamiroquai)"] [/caption] I just hope Brittanya cleaned her present before she gave it to Bret. [caption id="attachment_187" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Brittanya"] [/caption]

//VIP Pass Holders//

- Natasha - Taya - Brittanya >> Who cares about right answers when you can choose the most "enthusiastic." Bret, feeling a little intoxicated, gives the three VIP passes to already dangerous competitors during a rousing game of "Who's Smarter than a Rock Star." One of the questions was "if you have 16 groupies and three pass out, how many menage a trois can Bret have"  Bret says 6.5.  Which is only storta right.  The correct answer is 78.  Bret can have 78 menage a tois. Because we're dealing with unique combinations, the formula is written 12 + 11 + 10 + ... + 2 + 1.  Write out all the combinations and it works.  Trust me. [UPDATE 11/31: DJ Coleslaw wants credit for the math, so we'll give it to her.  Even though I got the answer myself!!!!!] VH1... you should have caught this. (I should relax a little.  I did call one of the girls on this show as smart as a box of hammers. The fact that it didn't play like a Celebrity Jeopardy skit is probably a positive.  "This is the sound a doggie makes.") Brittanya has already used her pass on her date (with Farrah and Taya). It was a hasty move and will probably prove to be a mistake. Then again, this is a girl who admits she's "not too bright." (Just like the Great Wall of China is "not too small.")

//Bret's Call//

Brittanya Taya Natasha Farrah Ashley Kelsey Beverly Mindy Maria Brittaney Melissa Marcia The following are my rankings. This week starts a point system where I need to get the lowest possible score from week to week. Minus 1 point for each spot off for ranking vs eliminated. I'm taking this way too seriously.

//Your Tour Ends Here//

15. Megan (Last week: 15 - Score: Perfect 0) 14. Samantha (Last week: 13 - Score: 2) 13. Constandina (Last week: 10 - Score: 3) [caption id="attachment_181" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Samantha, Megan, Constandina"] [/caption]

>> VH1's editors used a little foreshadowing at the beginning of the episode with Megan saying that she needed to get her game together otherwise she was going to be out the door. Too bad for her because she seemed pretty normal. Bad move giving Bret stuffed animals for the wedding present. He remarks, "she knows that I'm a rock star, right?" She took a risk trying to show Bret that she has a job and everyone knows that Bret has only respect for one profession, and it isn't animal training.

[caption id="attachment_195" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Megan Misreads the Green, Putts Way Past the Hole"] [/caption] Samantha was ... well ... I'm not so sure. She didn't really say or do much of anything. The problem with Constandina was that she was Constandina. [caption id="attachment_198" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="What the complete lack of self-awareness looks like."] [/caption]

//Bottom 3//

12. Mindy (Last week: 12) 11. Brittaney (Last week: 9) 10. Melissa (Last week: 7 *Biggest Fall*) [caption id="attachment_183" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Brittaney as Greg Behrendt"] [/caption] >> Brittaney is in TROUBLE. She's broken down and cried about 15 times (one time, fittingly, in the space invader suite of the hotel), played the race card, and had a weird look in her eye since she confronted Bret in the hallway of the first episode. Her five pages of vows this week, plus her inevitable terrible performance on ice skates next week is going to prove to be her final stop. I am ranking her ahead of Mindy only because there's "no question she's there for Bret." I can see him telling her that her tour ends next week. Mindy is just going to need to do something outstanding in order to stay. She could sneak into Episode 4, but I doubt it. Melissa is wavering between her want to stay and go and if there's anything Bret's been consistent with, is that if the girl wants to go, she's out. [caption id="attachment_194" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Mindy and Her Creepy Plaster Torso"] [/caption]

//Middle of the Pack//

9. Ashley (Last week: 4) 8. Marcia (Last week: 8.) 7. Beverly (Last week: 6) 6. Kelsey (Last week: 14) [caption id="attachment_199" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Mirror Images"] [/caption] >>Ashley was the 5th called this week but I'm not sold she's showing anything that's necessary to win this competition. Her and Marcia have resolved her differences and, aside from hair color, there's no discernible difference between them. Beverly tried a different approach for the wedding attire this week, but I don't think it's working for her, in terms of the competition. I think Bret keeps her on for a little while longer, but I can't put her higher than Kelsey. She's showing that she understands what she's good at (looking good) and what she's not good at (thinking). Watch her as the competition moves on. She has had enough street savvy to get this far in life and could sneak into the top 4. UPDATE 11/13: In the previews they show Bret kicking someone off because they have a boyfriend.  My official guess is Kelsey.  She's young, admits to using her looks to get her where she wants to go, and about as smart as a bag of doorknobs.  Sounds like the right answer to me....

//Place + Show//

5. Natasha (Last week: 5) 4. Brittanya (Last week 2) 3. Maria (Last week: 1) [caption id="attachment_200" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption=""I dropped in the DJ Feenix Rankings??!""] [/caption]

>> Natasha earned herself a VIP card and keeps herself high in the rankings. I think she is going to need to be more of a featured player in order to win and use her sarcastic personality to her fullest. Brittanya, even though doing fantastic this week, winning a VIP card and the Challenge, drops 2 spots with almost no personality. Bret really wants some "private moments" with her so I can see her being a force until the bitter end. Maria, did almost nothing this week, but she is still showing the class and maturity in order to stay out of trouble. It's going to take more than maturity to win, though. If she doesn't start showing a little more affection and enthusiasm, I don't know how she's going to win over some of the other more cut-throat competitors.

[caption id="attachment_201" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Brittanya, Taya, and Farrah on their date."] [/caption]

//Runner-Up//

2. Farrrah (Last week: 2) [caption id="attachment_202" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="More strengths than weaknesses."] [/caption] >> Was a tri-winner of the Challenge and is looking very Heather-like this competition. I can see she's nice enough not to make people hate her, but is enough of a lush to have a significant amount of liquid courage going into the parties. But without a little more interesting conversation with Bret, I don't think this is going to be enough to win.

//Rock of Love//

[caption id="attachment_203" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Taya has studied up on how to win this competition."] [/caption] 1. Taya (Last week: 11 *Biggest Gain*) >> Wow. Was I wrong, or what? Taya proves to be a very strong competitor in Week 2. She wins a Challenge, has enough "enthusiasm" to win a VIP Pass, connects with Bret enough on their date to freak Brittanya out into using her pass, and has enough Iago tendencies in order to backstab while smiling. These factors, combined with that fact that she constantly reminds everyone that she isn't afraid to take her clothes off, makes her one of the strongest players in the game and pushes her into the top spot after week 2.

*ROCK OF LOVE: BUS* RANKINGS// Episode 1

I know you are all interested in my Rock of Love BUS Picks. Keep in mind that I'm taking this way too seriously.

//BOTTOM 5//

15. Megan 14. Kelsey 13. Samantha 12. Mindy 11. Taya

>> I'm going with a very bold move of putting Taya in the bottom 5. With a Penthouse Pet background she should be much higher but she was on the Blue Bus and seems pretty disillusioned with the RoL:B process. She's either going out early or you'll be seeing her in the top 40%. The others are just not interesting enough for TV and you'll see Bret having to make a "hard decision" leaving them behind on the tour.   EDIT: I saw the episode again, and I can see Mindy sneaking up the board.

//MIDDLE 5//

10. Constandina 9. Brittaney (Note: Listed as Jasmineva on the site) 8. Marcia 7. Melissa 6. Beverly

>>Beverly sneaks in because I think she adds a good element to the site and there always seems to be one girl with big shoulders who makes it further than you would think. Plus, she loves Bret's music and that's a huge thing with him. Marcia could go up and down the board depending on how sloppy drunk she gets. Brittaney has at least one more mental breakdown before Bret sends her on her way. Constandina sneaks in to this group because she is too much of a wild-card to count out, but I think she is one of the first or second eliminated from this group.

//PLACE + SHOW//

5. Natasha  4. Ashley 3. Brittanya

 

>>Natasha seems like she can handle herself on the bus and makes her way to the top 5 through being comfortable in the chaos. Ashley has the "Juliet Lewis-look" and if there's anything we know about dudes, is that they have a type. I wouldn't be surprised if she's the right mix of crazy and looks to make it here. Lastly, get rid of the cheek bullsh-** and Brittanya wins this competition.  She seems dumb as a sock of doorknobs, even though she is my personal favorite.

Listen: Brittanya - "Not Too Smart"

 

//RUNNER UP//

2. Farrah >>Blonde? Check. Well "funded?" check. Potential for an elicit encounter? High. ... Sounds like a runner-up in my book.

//THE ROCK OF LOVE//

1. Maria >>Finally, Maria is this year's Ambre. She will surprise everyone with a modicum a personality, average looks, and a plenty of good decisions. Retired run-way model gives her a leg up with the rigors of travel. Keep in mind, Jes also fell into the same general category (only a little nuts) and was able to take the crown. Eliminated: Heather, Gia, Marci, Stephanie, Nikki >> Ohhh Lady Rage/Nikki... we barely knew ya.